


A Bloody Pain in the Neck (or, how Virgil became a vampire)

by whoopswheresmyusername



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (very breifly though), A self indulgent vampire au, CAUTION THERES SOME SLURS IM SORRY I DONT ENDORSE IT, Episode: MOVING ON Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup but instead its deceit and patton, Fluff and Angst, Good Deceit Sanders, M/M, Pining, Sorry for all the pointless tags, Wholesome relationships, alcoholic patton at one point, and they were roommates oh my god they were roommates, but its okay because some have more emotional capacity, cussing and lots of it, declan has two modes: good bf or very very bad bf, everyone is chaotic and a mess and thats why its so entertaining, genderqueer logan, ghost picani, ghost remy, god some of these poor people have the emotional capacity of a dumpster on fire, ho ho homo, like the capacity of a peanut or something idk, logans a human but hes the only human, lots and lots of kissing be prepared, lots of moxiety making out, pattons internalized homophobia: a 12 part series, remus is a werewolf no surprises there, roman's a witch, some angst but also sort of not, superhero training montage (i guess), tailor remy, vampire almost everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2020-10-10 07:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20524166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopswheresmyusername/pseuds/whoopswheresmyusername
Summary: Patton is a vampire who hates hurting people.Virgil is a librarian who likes history and also patton.Declan is an enigma. An enigma who kisses really well.Remus is roman's brother, and a very rowdy enigma.Logan is a skeptical chemist who thinks their roommate is a chemist.Roman is not a chemist, he is a witch. A good one at that.Roman and Patton are friends.Virgil and Logan are friends.Virgil and patton fall in love. They kiss. Patton makes a mistake and now virgil's not quite human anymore.tumblr askblog! : https://www.tumblr.com/blog/abloodypainintheneckauasks





	1. Chill, bro, it's just kool-aid

**Author's Note:**

> There's going to be chapters! Idk when im gonna post them! but there will be more! thank you to the friendsfromthesanderssides discord server because all of you are amazing and helped me actually write this! Anyway! Go and read the thing!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's tragic ish backstory

Present Day America. A small apartment in upper Manhattan.  
\------  
Patton felt horribly guilty. He definitely should not have done what he just did. He wrings his hands nervously.  
He fidgets in the desk chair he’s placed next to the bed. The bed with him in it.  
“Dear god, wake up. wake up, wake UP YOU HANDSOME NITWIT!” his Victorian English accent creeps up from underneath his american facade.  
No response from the body in the bed. Patton grabs the boy’s wrist. No pulse. What was he thinking? Of course there wouldn’t be a pulse.  
Patton prided himself on being able to not swear and also his ability to not cry, but his eyes pricked with tears as he let loose a few four-letter-words. He puts his head between his knees.  
“Oh god, what have I done?” He chokes out, tears falling off his nose and blurring his circular glasses. “Ive killed him! I’ve killed him. I’m a horrible person, oh god…”  
He hears shuffling from the bed. He scrubs his face and looks up. The boy in his bed is moving. Patton lets out a yelp of joy. The boy in the bed stirs more. Then he sits up, grumbling and yawning.  
“Virgil!” Patton grabs the boy’s hand.  
“Pat? Where am I? How did I get here?” Virgil pauses. “And why the hell am I so hungry?”  
Patton might happy cry. “Oh, my dear,” He says, hugging virgil. “It’s been quite the day, hasn’t it?”  
\------  
Victorian England, about 1855. The Davies Estate, about four miles from central London.  
\------  
“Really, Declan, I must be going, I have a very important appointment to attend to-” Patton tried to push the other man off him.  
“Oh, but you are just so delicious, my love,” The well dressed gentleman responds.  
“Declan, I love you, but now really isn’t the time-” Patton continues to fruitlessly push the other man off of him. He has nowhere to go. Declan has pinned him against a wall. His normally slicked back black hair is falling out of line. Patton loves it.  
“Do stay, my love. I have a surprise that just cannot wait a second longer.”  
“I suppose,” Patton contemplated, gazing at his suitor’s lips longingly, “I suppose I could stay, but only until teatime. I have work, dearest!”  
“Oh, I’ll be done by teatime,” Declan smirks, leaning in.  
“You’re naughty, Mr Davies,” Patton grabs Declan’s tie and closes the space between them.  
Declan pulls away, leaving Patton’s spectacles skewed and his face the color of a rose. “One could say the same for you, Mr Morris.”  
Patton chuckles and runs his finger along the taller man’s jaw. “Kiss me senseless, rich boy.”  
Declan obliges. They kiss deeply for a while, then they start to crave more. Declan begins to unbutton patton’s threadbare shirt. When patton moves to do the same for Declan, the taller one grabs his hand. Patton just keeps kissing, unbothered by how sudden and harsh it was.  
Declan pulls away to catch his breath. Patton is grinning, his face flushed and his eyes sparkling. He was also practically shirtless.  
“Declan Davies, you are the love of my life,” Patton sighs, gazing deeply into his eyes.  
“Patton Morris, you are…” Declan pauses, thinking for a moment. Then he grins a menacing grin, flashing canines that had been sharpened to a needle-like point. “The most beautiful lunch I’ve ever had.”  
Patton smiles and nods, but his face falls when he realizes what Declan said. “Declan, what does that mean?”  
The other smiles, those sinister canines gleaming. “You’ll soon find out, Mr Morris.”  
Patton yelps as declan bites down into his neck, blood oozing from the wound. “D-Declan?” The world began to grow fuzzy. “Declan, please… stop?”  
The world went black.

Patton awoke to Declan sitting next to him, disinterestedly reading a book.  
“Declan? What happened? I’m so terribly sorry I passed out, dear, I suppose I was just shocked-”  
“Can it, Morris.” Declan slams his book shut. “Tell me, how do you feel?” The man leans in close to examine Patton’s face.  
“Dearest, I feel fine-”  
“Tell me. How you. Feel.” Declan spits.  
“Really hungry,” Patton confesses.  
“For what?”  
Patton searches himself. What is he hungry for? He can’t put a finger on it. It’s not food, but-  
Before he finishes thinking, he finds his mouth answering. “Blood.”  
Declan grins. “Wonderful.”  
Patton looks down at his hands, which are shaking madly. “What’s wrong with me? I feel… cold.” His stomach outweighed his temperature. “And so, so hungry,” He moans.  
Declan stands up. “Perfect. I shall take you out to eat. And do get dressed, the sun isn’t very welcoming to our kind.”  
“Our kind?” Patton repeats.  
“Indeed. Take a look in any mirror. You’ll see what I mean.”  
Patton is beyond confused, yet he still stands up, fumbling with his shirt. He goes over to an enormous ornate mirror and stands directly in front of it.  
“Where-” Patton is shocked. “Where am I? I should be in the mirror!”  
Declan buttons up his overcoat and dons his classic yellow gloves and top hat. “Like I mentioned earlier. Our kind.” He smirks and tosses Patton his worn jacket. Patton feels faint.  
“Declan?”  
“Yes, Mr Morris?” He says monotonously.  
Patton’s heart gives a melancholy twang at Declan not using his first name.  
“What is our kind?” He ventures, fiddling with the collar on his jacket.  
“The Greeks tend to call us Empusa, while the Jewish call us''Lillith”. The Albanians named us shtriga, while the Hungarians call us "izcacus". There are many terms for us and what we do, but names are just words.” Declan pauses and grabs a cane with an ornate golden grip. “But many folks around here tend to call us vampires.” He grins and struts out of the room, cane clopping alongside him.  
Patton’s stomach sinks. He can’t believe it. He might cry. His mother always warned him about staying out at night to avoid vampires, but he never actually believed any of that! Now he’s one. He can’t see himself in the mirror, he doesn’t have a pulse, and he has-  
Patton runs his tongue over his teeth to check. Sure enough, his canines have somehow sharpened to a deadly point during the time he was out cold.  
He collapses to the floor and sobs.  
“Patton, I thought you said you were hungry.” Declan says from behind Patton.  
Patton jumps and runs a hand through his ruddy curls. “How did you-?”  
“Vampire, remember? Now we must get going. We’re both hungry and I have a perfect spot for some supper.” He grins menacingly and waves his hand. Patton’s shirt buttons and a vest and a new jacket appear on him. Declan holds out his hand. “Come along, dear. The sun is setting and people are venturing out. We mustn’t miss it.”  
Patton hesitantly grabs Declan’s hand. He blinks, and they are in an alleyway. People flood the street before them. Declan licks his lips.  
“Find a prey and bring them here. Bite them and drain them, but don’t convert them. We don’t need more vampires roaming london, do we?”  
Patton nods, feeling sick to his stomach. Declan nods and smirks, strutting out of the alleyway and into the flood of people. Patton just puts his back against the brick and slides to the ground. Within five minutes, Declan already has a boy no older than himself on his arm, making heart eyes at each other. They begin to make out and Patton feels his heart break a bit. He loved declan. He had for the longest time, and he thought declan loved him. He was wrong. The boy starts to take off his shirt. Declan pulls away and grins seductively. The younger one leans in to kiss him again, but Declan veers away and bites the boy’s neck. The boy looks shocked and tries to scream, but he passes out before he can. Patton can’t watch. He also can’t stand idly by while that boy dies.  
“DECLAN, THAT’S ENOUGH!” He screams, trying to pull at declan’s hair to get him away from the boy. “DECLAN! STOP IT!” Patton slaps declan. Hard.Hard enough to make declan pull away, blood seeping from the boy’s wound and covering his face.  
“Darling, I’m busy. Get your own food.” He leans back down to continue his meal. Patton slaps him again. Harder this time. Patton goes in for a third slap, but declan catches his wrist. With a simple movement, he twists patton’s arm downward, sending pain shooting up his arm.  
“Let me go, you MONSTER!” Patton cries, trying to catch someone’s attention.  
“Oh, darling,” Declan leans in close to Patton's ear. “You’re a monster too.” He hisses.  
“I’M NOTHING LIKE YOU!” Patton wriggles out of Declan’s grip, rubbing his bruised wrist. Declan shakes his head and grabs his half-finished meal of a boy by the collar.  
“Dearest, you have to eat to survive. You’ll understand soon enough.”  
Patton felt searing rage bubble up in his chest. “Set. Him. Down.” He stares down his deceitful Declan with a menacing glare.  
Declan obliges in an almost mechanical fashion, his eyes blank and swirling with red.  
“NOW GO!” HE shouts, pointing to the alley’s exit. “TURN INTO A BAT AND FLY AWAY SO I NEVER SEE YOUR HORRIBLE, LYING FACE EVER AGAIN!” Hot tears run down his cheeks. Declan stares blankly at Patton, then vanishes in a poof of mist. Patton takes a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He looks at the limp body of the boy. Before he can think, he’s next to the boy, finishing what Declan started. He stops himself before the boy dies completely. He stumbles backwards, trying to get as far away as he can. He wipes his face with his shirt, staining the sleeve red.  
“Dammit,” he mutters, swearing out of fear and sadness. He looks over to the boy. He can’t leave him, but he has to. Being around the boy would mean hurting him more than he already has. He hangs his head and balls his fists in his curly red hair.  
“I want to go home,” he says quietly as tears trace their way down their cheeks. He blinks and he finds himself sitting in the middle of the floor of his house.  
He stares at his hands, terrified. What can he do now? Now that he yelled at Declan, how is he supposed to figure this out? He had no idea what he could actually do.  
He hangs his head again and sobs until morning.


	2. Oh, Bite Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two (2) dorks love books and each other   
more thanks to friendsfromthesanderssides discord for the chapter titles and all the love yall keep me going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oob if youre reading this i know you loved when i told you about this bit so this is for you

Present day, about four months ago. New York public library.  
\------  
Patton loves libraries. Gigantic shelves full of knowledge. The peace, the knowledge, the smell. The smell is the best part, he concludes, plucking another book from a shelf and stacking it onto his pile. He walks to the checkout counter, carrying a stack of books taller than his head. He plops the books on the counter and fishes around in his pocket for his library card.   
“Sorry kiddo, I just need to find my-“ Patton looks up at the librarian on duty and feels his cheeks go red. The boy at the desk hasn’t even noticed him due to the headphones over his ears. But he is drop dead gorgeous. His brown bangs are dyed purple at the ends and hang in front of his eyes, which are scanning the pages of a thick novel. Patton shakes off his blush and rings the service bell. The boy jumps and sits up straight, revealing his name tag from the folds of his giant hoodie.   
Virgil Levine.   
He eyes Patton skeptically, which makes Patton try to fix his hair and adjust his glasses. At least he can see himself in mirrors again, now that they aren’t backed with silver. Still, 90 plus years without being able to see himself stuck with Patton.   
The boy at the desk shifts his gaze from Patton to his stack of books. When he looks them up and down without a shift in expression, Patton feels a knot of anxiety swell in his stomach. The boy slides his headphones off and Patton catches the tune. It’s one of Patton’s favorites. He never lost his love for England, even though he left it years ago.   
“You like the Beatles?” Patton tries to strike up a conversation.  
Virgil nods.  
“I like the Beatles!” Patton attempts again.  
Virgil speaks for the first time. “I can tell,” he says, disinterested. “Can I have your card?”  
Patton’s heart sinks a bit. He hands over his card. Virgil scans it and looks surprised.  
“How the hell-?” He mutters and squints at the computer screen.  
“What is it?”  
“It says this card has been active since the late 60s!” Virgil stops. “You’re him, aren’t you?”  
“I’m who?”  
“Patton Morris! You’re practically a legend in this branch. But-“ Virgil halts and looks Patton over. “How the hell do you look so young? You should be at least seventy!”   
Patton feels his stomach sink. “Well- uh, you see…”  
“Maybe tell me later. You’ve got a line behind you.” Virgil smiles. It’s a beautiful smile. Patton blushes a little. He takes his stack of books and scuttles into his tiny car. He sets the books in the passenger seat and stares out the windshield.   
He groans in frustration and bangs his head into the steering wheel.   
“Stupid stupid stupid!” He mutters to himself. “Why? Why am I already falling for this boy I just met? IM JUST GONNA HURT HIM LIKE DECLAN DID!” He shouts, banging his head into the steering wheel again and setting off the horn. He jumps and nearly turns into a bat. He sighs and closes his eyes.  
The rapping on his window makes him jump again. He looks over, ready to tell someone off, but that boy is hunched over by his window. He rolls down the window.  
“Uh, hey.” Virgil says.   
“Hello!”   
“I got off work early and I want to hear your story. Drive me?” He points to the passenger seat.   
“Of- of course!” Patton stumbles over his words, his stomach doing loop-the-loops. Virgil climbs into the passenger seat. Patton can see he’s shaking.   
“You okay, kiddo?” He asks, concerned.  
Virgil nods, shoving his hands deep into the pocket of his hoodie.  
Patton catches his eyes. It won’t hurt to read his mind, just for a second. He skims Virgil’s consciousness for a moment.   
“You’re nervous because you’ve never asked anyone for a ride before.”  
Virgil’s eyes go wide. “Was it that obvious?” He whispers.  
“Uh…” Patton tries to think of an excuse. “I’m- just good at reading people, is all. Don’t be daft,” he jokes at the end, his English accent returning just for a moment.  
Virgil’s eyes widen even more. “You’re English?” The corners of his mouth perk up a bit. “What’s it like? I’ve always wanted to go.”  
Patton smiles. “Absolutely gorgeous. The cobbled streets and the purebred stallions clopping along…” his heart warms with the nostalgia. Then he realizes it’s not the nineteenth century anymore. “I mean, it’s got a lot of tourists but the countryside is to die for! The rolling fields and all the animals! It’s bloody beautiful.” Patton finishes and looks over to Virgil, who seems to be lost looking at Patton’s face. Virgil comes to attention and his face goes red.   
“Yeah, yeah I bet.” He mutters, sliding down in his seat.  
“Where am I taking you, Mr Levine?”  
“How do you know my name?” Virgil bristles.  
Patton giggles and points to the name tag still attached to Virgil’s sweater. Virgil goes even redder and he sinks lower in the chair.   
“What’s your destination?” Patton repeats.   
“The Central Park Cafe. I want to talk to you about your library card, Mr Morris.”  
Patton laughs, being careful not to flash his canines.  
“Alright, Virgil.”  
“You can call me Virge,” he mentions quietly.   
Patton smiles and pulls out.  
\------  
“How is your card from the 1960s?” Virgil asks between bites of his sandwich.  
Patton messes with the mug of coffee he’s been nursing for the past half hour. “If I told you, you probably wouldn’t believe me.”  
“Try me.” Virgil wipes his face with his sleeve and reclines into the cafes booth.  
“My dad and I had the same name, so when he died, I got his library card?” Patton tries.  
Virgil raises an eyebrow from under his bangs.   
“What?”  
Virgil chuckles. “Nothing. You just phrased it like a question. You’re an odd one, Patton Morris.”  
Patton takes a swig from his coffee to avoid looking at Virgil’s smirk.  
“I like that about people.”  
Patton smiles into his coffee cup. Virgil grins outwardly. It was hard not to around each other.  
\------  
Present day, about three days after the lunch date at Central Park Cafe.  
\------  
“Hello there, Virgil.” Patton leaned against a bookshelf.   
Virgil grins, his headphones already off his head. “Hi, Pat.”  
“Nobody’s at the desk!”  
“Mary is, if you need to check out. Let me re-shelve these books, you dork.”  
Patton laughs. “Listen, Virge,”  
Virgil nods to show he is listening.  
“I was thinking…” Patton takes a deep breath. “I liked when we got lunch. Do you maybe… want to get dinner together?”  
Virgil nearly drops his books. “Seriously?” His face is red and his beautiful brown eyes are wide.  
“Yeah.” Patton sighs. “Seriously.”  
Virgil’s face somehow gets even redder than before. “Well. Uh, I mean- of course! Yes!” He stammers, grinning and nodding.   
“Great. Text me when your shift is over. I’ll pick you up.” Patton says, walking away slowly.  
Virgil pauses. “PATTON, WAIT!”  
“Yes?”  
“I don’t have your number.”  
“You do now!” Patton tosses Virgil his phone, which is unlocked and on the phone app. “I created my contact for you so you didn't have to.”  
Virgil looks awed and astonished. A small grin creeps to his lips. “See you later, Pat!” He gushes, holding his phone close to his chest.  
Patton salutes a goodbye, and once he’s out of sight of Virgil he does a little victory dance. He feels his phone buzz in his back pocket.  
He fishes it out and checks it.   
There’s a notification from snapchat from @purplevirgil04.  
It’s a video of him doing his victory dance through a gap in the bookshelves with the caption “you’re a dork”. Patton smiles and peers through the bookshelves. He sees Virgil holding his phone close to his chest and practically swooning. He captures it and sends it to virgil, with the caption “but at least i’m your dork, right?”  
Patton gets an almost immediate response. A photo of Virgil’s purple converse with the caption “at least I have you. :)”  
\------  
Literally not even four hours later.  
\------  
They sat in the park, looking at the beautiful moon and holding hands.   
“Thank you for dinner, pat.” Virgil says quietly, resting his head on Patton’s shoulder.  
“My treat, Virgil.”  
“Nobody’s ever done something like that for me before,” Virgil says, looking up at him. “I mean, I did go on dates with girls when I was still closeted, but this is my first… date. With a boy.”  
“I’m honored, Mr Levine!” Patton puts his hand over his heart.  
“Shut up, you nerd.” Virgil rolls up his sleeves a little. Virgil is dressed up, as is he. Although they have different definitions of what “dressing up” means. Virgil has a dress shirt, black jeans and his trademark converse, while Patton has a dress shirt and pants with a cardigan. It’s hard to see, but if you looked close enough, Virgil had put on some makeup and had painted his nails black.   
“Virgil, you look absolutely stunning.” Patton mumbles, resting his head on top of Virgil’s.  
Virgil smiles and squeezes Patton’s hand gently. Virgil lifts his head from Patton’s shoulder as the streetlamps flicker on, bathing them in yellow light.   
“It’s a beautiful night,” He whispers, shifting to look at the man next to him.  
“Not quite as beautiful as you.” Patton mutters back.  
Virgil smiles and looks over Patton’s face, his gaze lingering on his lips.   
Patton hadn’t felt this strongly about someone since Declan. He wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip away. He leans in and closes the small space between them. Virgil lets out a small sound of surprise when their lips connect, but soon gets into it. He wraps his arms around Patton, letting one hand play with the small curls at the nape of Patton’s neck. Patton gently puts his arms around Virgil’s waist and slides him closer. Both of them never want the moment to end.   
Virgil pulls away to catch his breath. He breathes heavily for a moment, then grins. “Patton Morris, you have taken two of my firsts!”  
“I’m more than honored, Mr Levine. I’m absolutely wild for you and I’m more than glad we shared this m-”  
Virgil silences him by kissing him. It’s Patton’s turn to make a small noise of surprise. Virgil’s face scrunches up passionately. It’s adorable to patton.  
Virgil pulls away. “It feels nice to know I’m actually gay. I really enjoyed that.”  
“What do you mean, ‘actually gay’?” Patton takes Virgil’s hand.  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
“Virge, yes it does. It bloody does. I care about you.” His English accent creeps back again.  
“Aw, you care about me.” He smiles a little.  
“Yes. Please tell me what’s bothering you?”  
Virgil check the watch around his wrist. “While we go to the car so you can drop me home. It’s late and I have work.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“Come along, lover-boy. Time to hear my tragic backstory!” Virgil jokes, pulling himself and Patton off the park bench.  
They stroll together down the lamp-lit path, hand in hand. For the first time in a long time, Patton finally feels happy. He feels normal. He wants that feeling to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me in the comments :)


	3. Vampires make really great boyfriends, no seriously, they do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another time warp and some quality patton/vigil content

1901, New York City. Ellis Island.  
\------  
“Name?”  
“Patton Morris.”  
“Date of birth?”  
Patton took a breath before lying through his teeth. “April 14th, 1874.”  
The processor looked him up and down. Then, he grabbed a stamp and slammed it onto the papers handed to him by Patton. “Welcome to America,” He said, obviously tired.  
Patton smiles gently as he picks up his suitcase and gently takes the stamped papers. His trenchcoat billows out behind him as he walks out. He pulls up his coat collar and turns down his hat to hide his face. Walking quickly, he pushes past people so he can get to the apartment he bought months in advance. Then he rams into someone. He’s knocked backward, his hat flying off and glasses made askew as his suitcase escapes his hand and slides across the stones. He picks himself up, angry and ready to scold whoever knocked him over. When he meets the person face to face, his stomach drops.  
“Mr Morris. We meet again,” Declan Davies hisses, not making eye contact.  
“Declan, what are you doing here?” Patton feels heat creep into his cheeks. He’s not sure whether it’s from the sun or the embarrassment of seeing an ex.   
“Your hat, dearest,” Declan snaps and Patton’s hat is on his head again.  
“Nevermind me, how are you doing that?” Patton gestures to Declan, who is standing in direct sunlight, unbothered.  
“Would you believe me if I said magic?”  
Patton makes a face of disgust and tries to move away, but Declan grabs his wrist.  
“Patton, listen.” Declan sighs. “I’m sorry for what happened. I know you must have been heartbroken, but-”  
“Save it. I don’t want to hear this sob story, Declan. I’m over you.” Patton wiggles his hand free. “Why can’t you just get over me?”  
“Patton-”  
“Goodbye, Declan.” Patton says with finality. He walks away, not even looking back at the tall man.  
\------  
Present day, about three months ago. NYC public library.  
\------  
“Virgil, would you believe me if I said we’ve been dating for a month now?” Patton leans against the checkout desk.  
“I trust you, but that’s outrageous.” He says, beeping a customer's books.  
“Well,” Patton grins and pulls out a card and some flowers. “It’s true!”  
Virgil gasps and smiles. “Aw, Pat, this is so nice!”  
“Love you, Virge!”  
“No you,” Virgil retorts childishly.  
Patton kisses his boyfriend on the cheek and he turns beet red.  
“Patton, I have work!”  
“You have break in ten minutes, if I remember correctly!”  
Virgil rolls his eyes. “Fine. But no monkey business, Patty.”  
“You know me, I’m extremely serious.”   
Virgil chuckles and beeps a book. “Whatever you say.”  
\------  
Ten Minutes later  
\------  
Patton loves this. Kissing his boyfriend and pinning him against a wall inside a supply closet in a library? Absolute heaven. He resists the urge to nip at Virgil’s lip for obvious reasons. Virgil suddenly pulls away from his makeout session. “Shit, did we lock the door?”  
“Who cares? Everyone knows we’re dating,” Patton leans in to kiss Virgil again.  
“I gotta check, it’s been bugging me-” Virgil moves to check the door.  
Patton sighs and snaps his fingers as quietly as he can behind his back. The lock slides into place. “It’s locked for sure, okay?”  
“You sure?”  
“Yes, I made sure, love.”  
Virgil pushes his bangs back. Patton can see his small freckles that are sprinkled across his nose and forehead like stars in the sky.  
Virgil puts his hands on Patton’s shoulder.  
“It’s so cliche that we’re making out in a supply closet!” He grins and laughs a bit.  
“Well, it’s my favorite cliche.” Patton kisses virgil’s nose.  
“Then let’s keep going.” Virgil checks his watch. “We still have about fifteen minutes before I have to get back to work.”  
“Absolutely brilliant.” Patton mumbles, kissing Virgil passionately.  
\------  
1940 something, an unnamed gay bar in NYC.  
\------  
Patton was on his third beer and he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.  
The bartender looked nervously at the empty glasses littered around patton’s head.   
Patton notices. “Oh fuck off. I’ll tip you extra if you stop gawking at me, you buffoon.” All attempts to sound american have been abandoned at this point, so his posh english accent is in full force. The bartender scurries away, scared by the sudden aggression that patton exhibited. Patton was here to forget. He just wanted a blank slate. But even after drinking enough beer to drown in, he still remembers.   
Someone taps his shoulder.   
“Sir? Are you alright?” Asks a young man.  
“ffffffUCK OFFFFF!” Patton slurs back at him. “I don’t need your fUCKING HELP, YOU PANSY!” He’s crying now. He hadn’t done that in a long time.  
“Pardon me.” A familiar voice makes its presence known over the clatter of the bar.   
Declan walks up and looks patton over a few times. “Nice to see your drinking habits haven’t changed, Morris.”  
Patton looks up. “Declan?” He says softly. “What are you doing here?”  
“Getting your drunk gay ass out of trouble and out of here,” Declan sighs and hoists patton out of the stool. “Get up.”  
“DON’T TOUCH ME! STOP! NO! Stoppit,, you monster…” Patton struggles against Declan’s embrace at first, then melts into his touch. “You smell really nice, Deccky!” He mutters into Declan’s hair.  
“Well, you smell like booze. Let’s get you home.”  
Declan drags Patton outside and into the alley next to the bar. He slaps patton. Hard. Hard enough that all the warm buzz that Patton had let overtake him vanished.   
“What the hell was that for?”  
Declan rubs his wrist as patton rubs his face. “That was the fifth night in a row, patton.”  
“Yeah? So what?   
“So you’re becoming an alcoholic. I’m not gonna drag you out of there every night. What’s bothering you?”  
Patton shifts uncomfortably and scratches his arm.  
“Pat, what’s on your arm?”  
“Nothing!”  
“Let me see, patton.”  
“NO!”  
“I swear I’ll just hypnotize you into doing as I say.”  
“LEAVE IT ALONE!” Patton shouts, cradling his arm and edging away from Declan.  
“Patton.” Declan says softly, reaching out a gloved hand. “Let me see it, please.”  
Patton blinks away some tears, then rolls up his sleeve. There’s a divot in his forearm about the size and shape of a bullet.  
“Where is this from?”  
Patton exhales and shudders. “France.”  
“You enlisted, didn’t you?”  
Patton nods.  
“How- how did this happen? You can’t get hurt unless-”  
“The doctor said it was a silver bullet.”  
Declan stares in horror. “Pat-”  
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Well, you can’t drink it away, now can you?”  
Patton pauses, then responds with a bitter snark. “I can fucking try, though.” He poofs away.  
Declan gazes at the space where Patton stood. He conjures a cigarette and lights it, taking a draw. He breathes out a cloud of white smoke and looks up at the sky.   
“Dear god, please help him.” He mutters to nobody in particular, placing the cigarette in his mouth and slinking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter coming soon, yell at me in the comments if you see a typo cowards! also leave your ideas and stuff you liked! they encourage me to write more! thank you!!


	4. We're the ones who made Minority Report (2002) a real thing lmao yeet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan are roommates   
oh my god they were roommates

\------  
Two years ago, the day Roman moved out.  
\------  
The apartment was bland as all hell.  
Roman despised it.  
Logan adored it. They couldn’t wait to keep it modern and minimalistic.  
Roman had other plans.  
“Listen. I know you’re all boring and some shit-”  
“Minimalistic. I’m a scientist.”  
Roman sighs. “Me too, I guess. Anyway-”  
“Fascinating! What field of science?”  
“I’m… sorry?”  
“What area of science? I’m a chemist.”  
“Uhhhhh....” Roman racks his brain to try and find a definition. It’s close enough to what he does. “Me too! Funny, huh?”  
“Absolutely hilarious,” Deadpans logan. “You should appreciate the virtues of having a neat workspace, as a scientist, no?”  
“I mean-”  
“We’re keeping it ‘boring’.” They throw finger quotes into the air and strut away, prideful.  
“Jackass.” Roman mumbles, shifting his sachel full of spellbooks.   
“I heard that!” Logan calls.  
Roman grumbles some more. God, this is going to be a pain.  
\------  
Roman and Logan’s apartment, present day.  
\------  
Roman’s phone rings. Logan picks it up.  
“The Knight-Barry household?” They respond automatically.  
“Hello?” A gentle voice responds. Logan recognizes it as one of Roman’s friends, Patton. Something was off about that guy. He was nice enough, but something just didn’t settle right with Logan.  
“Ah, Patton, correct?”  
“Yeah, hey. Is princey home?”  
“I’m not sure if my boyf- I mean roommate is here, but I can certainly check if you will go on hold for a moment.”  
“Please hurry, thank you!”  
Logan rolls their eyes.   
“Roman?” They call through the small two-bedroom flat. “A friend is on the phone!”  
NO response. Logan sighs and starts to wander to Roman’s bedroom. They’re never allowed in there, for reasons unknown to them, but it never really bothered them.  
“Roman? Princey?” Still nothing. They gently push open the door to Roman’s room. He’s sitting on the floor inside a symbol on the floor that appears to be made of string.   
“Roman, dear, there’s someone on the phone.”  
Roman’s eyes flick open for a moment, and they seem to be glowing.  
“Roman? Are you okay?”  
Logan reaches out to touch his shoulder. As their hand gets closer to touching Roman, it starts to glow a strange dark blue color. “Strange.” They mutter, grabbing Roman. “Roman? Ro, there are some friends-”   
They stop. The strange glow is spreading up their arm and soon covering every inch of them.  
A cold gust of wind blows through the isolated room. Logan can’t speak or move. They’re truly terrified.  
Then, they see something. Not quite see, but also not quite visualize. Logan can’t describe it. It hits them with the force of a truck. Then they know. They don’t know how they know, or if it’s even true, but Logan Barry somehow knows the exact events of tomorrow. Before they can even take a step back to think, they collapse on the ground, unconscious.  
\------  
Logan wakes up to Roman hovering over them.  
“Thank god you’re awake,” Roman says, worried.  
“I- what happened? All I remember was you were meditating, and I touched your shoulder and-” Logan stumbles, rubbing their temples.  
“You touched me? Shit,” Roman mutters. “When you touched me, what did you see or experience?”  
“Were you on drugs, Roman? Did I unknowingly drug myself?”  
“I- what? No!” He sputters, shaking his head.  
“Then what the hell was that?”  
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”  
“Why not? Try me.”  
Roman sighs. “I’m a witch. I was casting a spell. You interrupted that spell, I need to know what you saw or experienced.”  
Logan stifles a laugh. “I may not understand slang, but I understand when someone is messing with me, and you are messing with me.”  
“I really wish I wasn’t.”  
Logan goes silent at the earnest look on Roman’s face.  
“What the hell?”  
“Logan, please tell me what you saw.”  
“You’re not gonna believe me,” Logan mocks Roman. The dramatic one rolls his eyes.  
“Bitch, please.”  
Logan can’t help but giggle.  
“Okay. I went into your room-”  
“Which is against the rules, but go off I guess-”  
Logan stares at Roman. “Would you kindly shut up and let me finish, you asshat?”  
“Sorry, go on.”  
Logan rolls their eyes and continues.  
“I reached out to touch your arm and my hand started to glow a bizarre dark blue color. When I grabbed your shoulder, the glow spread to the rest of my body, and then…” They shake their head.  
“What? What happened?”  
“I saw everything that would happen tomorrow.”  
Roman leans back, face slack.  
“What? Is… is that bad?” Logan worries.  
“Damn.” Is all that comes from Roman. “Think of a date.”  
“What?”  
“A calendar day. Just picture it.”  
“Why?”  
“Just do the thing!”  
Logan complies and thinks of a date. Their mind can’t stop wandering to having a date with Roman…  
Then it pops into their head. The day they have a date with Roman. They open their eyes.  
“What did you think of?”  
Logan gulps. “December 19th. This year.”  
“And?”  
They turn red. “We go out on a date.”  
Roman goes scarlet in half a second. “Well, that settles it.”  
“Settles what?”  
“You can see the future now.” Roman gets up to walk away.  
Logan pauses. “You’re fucking pulling my leg, aren’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scream at me in the comments if you see any typos  
also comment anything you want because   
comments  
they keep me going


	5. it was just an accident, that's not my blood, i swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> virgil gets a six pack

\------  
Present Day, about six hours before Virgil woke up in Patton’s apartment.  
\------  
“Patton.”  
“Mm?”  
“I get off on break in a few minutes.”  
Patton nods sleepily.  
“I could make that break start now,” Virgil grins and winks.  
Patton perks up. “Flirty, are we?”  
“You could say that. It’s you and me in the maintenance closet, you perfect little shit.” Virgil takes Patton by the collar of his shirt and drags him into the designated make out closet. Patton, wrapped up in the moment, flicks his wrist to close and lock the door behind them. Virgil doesn’t notice. He’s busy trying to get as close to Patton as possible. He pulls away, only for a moment, to take off his trademark purple and black hoodie. Patton pulls off his cardigan and tosses it aside. They’ve stripped of one layer, and Virgil's break just started.  
Patton moves his kisses to Virgil's neck, being mindful enough not to bite.  
They’re both out of breath. Patton nestles his head in Virgil's small shoulder and inhales.  
“You smell so good, babe.” He kisses Virgil’s collarbone and Virge sighs a little. Patton grins a little.  
“Hey, easy tiger,” Virgil says as Patton readies himself to kiss Virgil's neck again. “We’re in a public space.”  
“Fuck it. Let’s get shirtless.” Patton whispers.  
Virgil grins and laughs a bit. “Patton, you are a tough one to figure out.”  
“You still love me, though!” He kisses Virgil’s neck again. Virgil sighs, louder this time. Patton kisses all the way up Virgil’s neck and back to his lips.   
“Babe, you’re delicious.” He mutters before continuing to kiss the hell out of his boyfriend. He feels Virgil smile into the kiss.  
He starts to unbutton his shirt as Virgil starts to pull his off himself.  
Soon, they’re both shirtless, the warmth of skin on skin only pushing the two deeper into the make out. Virgil is warm, most likely from constantly wearing a long sleeve shirt and hoodie all year round. The warmth of Virgil warms Patton to his core.  
Virgil’s hands are everywhere on Patton’s bare skin. His arms, his back, his neck, his chest, his face. Patton just lets him roam. He keeps his clasped together behind Virgil's neck.   
He pulls Virgil closer, his diminutive height forcing him to tilt his head up. Their chests press close and he can feel Virgil's heart beating.  
He doesn’t think before his next action. He nips at Virgil's lip. Virge grins as Patton moves down to his neck, kissing Virgil’s collarbone and jawline.  
Virgil grunts a little in pain.  
“What is it?” Patton stops to check on his partner.  
“I’m fine, I’m just a little… lightheaded.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah… yeah, you can… keep… going.” Virgil says, words slowing down.  
Patton kisses Virgil’s neck one last time. He looks up to see Virgil passed out.  
“Shit!” He runs a hand through his hair. “How did this happen?”  
He thinks over possible solutions, unsure. Until he sees a line of blood coming from the corner of Virgil’s mouth.  
“Oh no. Oh no no no no.” He panics.   
That one bite isn’t enough to turn him, and it’s too late to attempt to keep him human. Patton does the only thing he can do.   
He bites Virgil’s neck.  
He says a prayer to any god out there. “Please, please let him be okay.”  
He gathers Virgil's shirt and hoodie as well as his own clothes. Carrying Virgil bridal style, he vanishes in a cloud of smoke.  
\------  
Patton’s Apartment, Still the present day.  
\------  
Patton has two things to do.  
The first being take care of his boyfriend. The one he’s carrying bridal style. The one who’s slowly turning into a vampire.  
The second thing he has to do is call Roman Knight. Roman will know what to do. He gently sets down the unconscious boy in his bed, then fumbles for his phone.  
He speed-dials Roman’s number with shaky hands. The receiver clicks.  
“The Knight-Barry household?”   
“Hello?” Patton says, shakily.  
“Ah, Patton, correct?” The other, most likely Logan, responds.  
“Yeah, hey. Is princey home?”  
“I’m not sure if my boyf- I mean roommate is here, but I can certainly check if you will go on hold for a moment.” They stumble a bit. Patton would think it’s hilariously adorable, except that his boyfriend is passed out on his bed.  
“Please hurry, thank you!”  
He hears Logan calling for Roman for a while. Then it gets weird. There’s the sound of wind blowing, then it goes silent. Then it hangs up.  
“Hello?”  
Silence.  
Patton’s stomach sinks. Roman was his only connection.  
He puts his phone aside and pulls his desk chair next to his boyfriend’s body.  
He fidgets in the desk chair he’s placed next to the bed. The bed with him in it.   
“Dear god, wake up. wake up, wake UP YOU HANDSOME NITWIT!” his Victorian English accent creeps up from underneath his american facade.  
No response from the body in the bed. Patton grabs the boy’s wrist. No pulse. What was he thinking? Of course there wouldn’t be a pulse.   
Patton prided himself on being able to not swear and also his ability to not cry, but his eyes pricked with tears as he let loose a few four-letter-words. He puts his head between his knees.  
“Oh god, what have I done?” He chokes out, tears falling off his nose and blurring his circular glasses. “Ive killed him! I’ve killed him. I’m a horrible person, oh god…”  
He hears shuffling from the bed. He scrubs his face and looks up. The boy in his bed is moving. Patton lets out a yelp of joy. The boy in the bed stirs more. Then he sits up, grumbling and yawning.  
“Virgil!” Patton grabs the boy’s hand.  
“Pat? Where am I? How did I get here?” Virgil pauses. “And why the hell am I so hungry?”  
Patton might happy cry. “Oh, my dear,” He says, hugging Virgil. “It’s been quite the day, hasn’t it?”  
Virgil pushes his hair back. “the last thing I remember is kissing you in the maintenance closet. How long was I out? What even happened?” Virgil looks down at himself. “And how the hell do I have muscles now?”  
Patton gazes at Virgil’s new six-pack and goes red. He shakes it off. “Listen. I’m going to tell you something. You have to promise not to freak out, okay?”  
Virgil chuckles a bit. “Uh, okay?”  
Patton inhales shakily. “I’m a vampire.”  
Virgil stares for a bit. “You’re joking, right?”  
Patton shakes his head sadly.  
They sit in an awkward silence.  
“Wheres the hidden camera?” Virgil asks after a while. “It’s gotta be around here somewhere. I’m on some sort of prank channel, right?”  
Patton pauses, confused.  
“Right?” Virgil repeats, less certain this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments? questions? concerns? t y p o s? comment down below! i read all of them!! i swear!! they keep me going!!


	6. Theory 1: Queen Victoria was a vampire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very patton/declan centric  
i just gotta keep writing these victorian gays because i also gotta introduce you to remy because hes great

\-----  
1854, victorian england.  
\------

Declan was smitten. It only took a glance at his gigantic, stupid glasses and red curls for him to fall completely for him.  
Him.  
Declan felt bad for following him for nearly four blocks, but he had to get to know this beautiful stranger.  
He holds the brim of his hat and jogs to catch up to him. As he gets closer, he begins to notice that this beautiful boy is wearing clothes that are obviously dirty and threadbare. He fights the urge to gag. He’s not used to poor people. He taps the stranger on the shoulder with a gloved hand.  
The redhead turns. Declan nearly passes out.   
The eyes were the killer. Big and sea green and beautiful. They peer at him skeptically from over their giant circular glasses.  
“Good afternoon!” Declan says, composing himself. He doesnt sound composed, though. His voice is about an octave too high.  
“Good afternoon?” The stranger responds.  
“I’m Declan Davies.” He sticks out a hand.  
“I’ve heard of you.” The distain in the boy’s voice drives a spear through declan’s heart.  
“Let me walk with you?”  
The boy scoffs.  
“I just-” Declan sighs. “I know my family’s reputation. I’m nothing like them.”  
“People have said that your family are vampires,” The boy chuckles. “Which is frankly bullshit.”  
Declan chuckles nervously and tugs at his collar awkwardly. Thank god he doesn’t believe dumb gossip, right?  
Right?  
“Where are we headed?”  
“My bookstore.”  
“You have a bookstore?”  
“Are you hard of hearing as well as stupid, or are you just stupid?” The boy jokes.  
Declan chuckles. “You’re funny, uh…” He doesn’t know the boy’s name.  
“Patton. Patton Morris.”  
“Patton.”  
They walk in silence for a while.  
“We’re here.”  
Patton cuts across the stones and walks into a run down storefront with a rusty sign hanging over the door reading “Morris Antique Books and Oddities.”  
The second declan steps inside, he feels out of place. The clutter and warmth is something he’s not used to. Patton navigates through the overcrowded shelves and stacks of books and trinkets littering the floor. Declan walks slowly, taking in the coziness by candlelight. The sticks of melting wax are situated sporadically through the fire hazard of a bookshop.  
“You do realize that nearly everything in here is-”  
“A fire hazard, yes,” Patton interrupts, waving a hand at declan to shush him. “Maybe you’re not used to a concept called living under the poverty line?” Patton looks over his shoulder to see Declan’s reaction.  
Declan sputters for a moment, for two reasons. The first being he is smitten and even looking at Patton’s face for a few seconds makes all his higher functions stop working, the second being that Patton was right. He didn’t understand what it was like to be poor. In all four hundred or so years of his life, he never experienced poverty. That made him uncomfortable. And upset.  
“Mr Davies, would you mind helping me?”  
“Oh! Uh, of course!” Declan pulls off his gloves and tucks them into his coat pocket. “I’m at your service, Patton.”  
Patton rolls his eyes. “Mr Davies, would you mind telling me why in god’s name are you even here? What inspired you to follow me and introduce yourself? You and your family aren’t known for generosity.”   
Declan pauses. “You’re right.”  
“I’m sorry?”  
“You’re forgiven.”  
“What do you mean by that?”  
“You’re right. My reason, Patton Morris,” Declan brushes some dust off his jacket. “Is because I found you interesting. I wanted to get to know you. You obviously don’t want to know or associate with me, so I will do the gentlemanly thing and leave you be.” He puts on his gloves again and tips his hat. “I enjoyed our short time together, Mr Morris. This bookshop is truly a treasure. A shame that it’s going out of business.”  
Patton stays silent as Declan makes his way to the door.   
“Declan, wait.”  
Declan stops. Patton used his first name.  
“Maybe…” He breathes. “Maybe we could… dine together. Get to know each other. We could be valuable assets to one another.”  
Declan smirks and whirls around.  
“Sunday. My estate. I’ll have you picked up.”  
“I don’t have any-”  
“Don’t worry about that, I have it covered.”  
You-”  
“I’ll see you before then, Mr Morris.”  
“Patton, please.”  
“Patton it is.”  
Patton fidgets with his shirt a bit. “Goodbye, Declan.” He says as Declan struts out.   
He smiles. Thank god he found that boy.  
\------  
“Mr Morris? Is anyone home?” A ding comes from the service bell.  
“Declan!” Patton runs toward the sound of his voice.  
“Right here, Patton.” Declan’s voice softens.  
They make eye contact and smile. “Here to take me to your estate? I have an outfit picked out, I just need to change! You can come and help if you’d like-”  
Declan is tempted to say yes just to see Patton change, but he has a plan. “Actually, I have a tailor coming. He has a new suit for you.”  
“Oh, do I have to pay? Oh dear, I barely make rent how am I supposed to-”  
“Don’t be silly. I’m paying.”  
Patton falls silent. “What?”  
“I’m paying for the suit. It’s a gift.”  
“Really?”  
“Patton, has anyone ever gotten you something and they paid for it?”  
“Not really, no.”  
“Well, your appointment is in five minutes. Into the carriage, Mr Morris.”  
Patton gazes out to window to see an ornately decorated black carriage parked outside his dingy bookshop.  
“Declan, I-” He whispers. Declan puts a finger to Patton’s lips.   
“Shhh. We really must be going now, and we can always continue on the ride there.”  
Patton smiles, awestruck. The two walk outside, arm in arm. The smaller one can’t help but pet the noble horses driving the vehicle before clambering in.  
“It’s so ornate in here.”  
“Ah, yes.” Declan closes the door behind him and sits down next to Patton. “One of our more expensive ones. I thought I’d treat you today.”  
The silence that follows isn’t uncomfortable or awkward. The two sneak glances at each other as the carriage bumps along.  
They make eye contact.  
“Thank you.” Patton mutters, looking at Declan’s lips with something he doesn’t quite understand.   
“But of course, my dearest Patton,” Declan begins to lean in. “Anything for you.”  
Patton moves away. He doesn’t understand these feelings that he’s feeling. They can’t be right. How can a man love a man? It’s unnatural. Wrong. Evil.  
But it feels so, so good to think about his lips pressed against yours, A voice deep down inside croons.   
Shut up, Patton hisses back.  
The carriage jerks to a halt and they both get out. Declan holds out his hand to escort him inside.  
Take it, that voice whispers. Hold his hand. You know you want to. Get close to him and hold him tight.  
Patton’s stomach flutters as he hooks his arm around Declan’s. Declan grins. Patton feels a blush creep to his face.  
“You’ll have to get measured so the suit fits just right,” Declan scans Patton, grinning. “It’ll fit so well. You’ll look even more handsome.”  
“You think I’m handsome?” Patton squeaks.  
Declan smirks in response. Patton goes redder.  
The door jingles as they walk in.  
“Hey, Declan! Who’s this cutie?” Asks a sleekly dressed young man from behind a counter. His hair is slicked back and he wears tinted glasses, which are situated low on his nose, so he’s always peering over them.  
“Patton, this is Remigius. The tailor.”  
“Call me Remy, darling.”  
Did you hear that? He called you a cutie, The voice in the back of Patton’s head notes.  
SHUT UP! Patton yells at it.  
“Patton?” Remy leans against a counter, his black and silver suit tight-fitting. “I can take you back to fit you now.”  
“Oh!” Patton snaps to attention and promptly goes red. “Oh! Yes, of course.”  
“You can take off your jacket and shirt and leave them here,” Remy gestures to Declan.  
“You don’t make me take off my-”  
“Shhh, darling. New customer, new fit. You’ve been in my records for ages. Meanwhile, this delicious darling is brand new. My shop, my rules, Declan.” Remy peers over his glasses at the man with the yellow kerchief. “Love it or leave it, Davies.”  
Declan sighs, flushing.  
Patton hands him his overcoat and begins working on unbuttoning his shirt. He’s not sure why, but he does it slowly. With every button, Declan goes redder. He hates that he loves it.   
You’re loving that you’re flustering him, The voice croons.   
And for the first time since that voice started to bother him, Patton doesn’t disagree.  
Once he’s taken off his shirt, he hands its to Declan, who buries his face in his jacket to hide his blush.  
Remy takes his hand and leads him into the back room, which is full of mirrors and bits of fabric as well as various sewing equipment.  
“Who are you?” Is Remy’s first question.  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“Are you his new boyfriend? God, it’s been a while since he dated, so if he’s awkward, now you know-”  
“His new what?”  
“Boyfriend,” Remy repeats, slower. Then he gasps. “You’re gay, right?”  
“Yeah, I’m happy, what does that have to do with-”  
“Not that gay, darling.” Remy pulls out a measuring tape. “Homosexual. Do you like men?”  
Patton goes red.  
Remy looks at him through the mirror and smirks. “That’s a yes,”  
“What? N- NO! It’s not God’s plan and against nature! Man should be with woman, and-” Patton stops short.  
“And?” Remy prompts him to continue.  
“And… I don’t know.”  
“Arms up,” Remy says gently. Patton obliges. “Listen, darling. That boy is absolutely smitten for you. I haven’t seen Declan Davies that smitten, ever. Period. You’re really special, hun.”   
Patton stammers for a moment. “But how do I know about me? I don’t know what I’m feeling!” Patton runs a hand through his hair.  
“What is the voice in your head saying?” Remy mumbles through the sewing pins between his lips.  
Patton hesitates.   
“Don’t worry darling. I’d fuck you any day of the week. I’m safe to talk to about guys.” Remy winks and continues to measure Patton’s legs.  
Patton goes scarlet.  
“Well, the voice in my head,” Patton sighs. “I want to kiss him. Just to see what it would feel like. I keep having all of these horrible ideas, and I don’t know what to do with them.”  
“Darling, they’re not horrible, they’re just horribly gay and you are horribly in the closet. Denying you have them won’t get you anywhere. Once you accept them, that’s when you can start to give Declan Davies hickeys.”  
Patton chokes on the air he’s breathing. “Sorry, what?”  
“You heard me. And I know you know you want to, Mr Morris. The way you look at each other is so sweet I could throw up.”  
Patton gawks and tries to say something, but nothing comes out.  
Remy shoves his glasses up his nose with his pinky and continues to work on fitting Patton’s suit.  
“How did you know?” Patton whispers.  
“Honey, you’re so very obviously in love with that idiot. You just had no idea. He loves you too. Don’t worry.” Remy throws his measuring tape over his shoulder like a shawl. “Kiss him sometime. I think you’ll enjoy it.”  
The room is silent. “How do I know?”  
Remy takes off his glasses completely, finally revealing his striking gray eyes fully. “You don’t. There’s no harm in kissing him, though.” He smirks.   
Patton smirks back. He likes this guy.  
\------  
“My latest project!” Remy announces dramatically, dancing in front of the red velvet curtain concealing Patton in his new suit. “Has finally been completed!” With a flourish, he rips back the curtain.   
Declan goes red immediately. The suit fits him well. But Remy went over the top. He also gave Patton a haircut. Patton’s hair is still a curly mess, but shorter on the sides and top. His red hair contrasts perfectly with the blue of his vest and jacket lapels. The accents of light gray and beige work well with the deep blue-gray of the rest of his suit.   
He’s also got new glasses.   
“So?” Patton struts over to declan, who is leaning against the counter for emotional support. “What do you think?” He flirts shamelessly, leaning forward, his hands planted on either side of declan, pinning him against the counter.  
Declan looks at patton in shock and Patton feels his heart drop. This was a mistake.  
“What did you say to him, Rem?” Declan peers over Patton’s shoulder to look at the tailor.  
Remy just smirks and rings Declan up.  
Declan refocuses on Patton, looking from the suit to Patton’s face. Declan swallows hard, his face going redder. “Uh, did- did you put on…” He stammers quietly.  
Patton leans in closer. “Yes?” He croons, similar to the voice inside his head.  
The voice inside his head is having a field day, taking over his normally cynical side. That side has taken a backseat and is hopelessly pleading that This is wrong! It’s against God! You’ll go to hell!  
Patton and the new voice speak as one. If I’m going to hell, thank God it’s because of him.  
That shuts the cynical voice right up.  
“Did you put on…?” He stares at Patton’s lips, struggling to find his words. “You have on lipstick?”  
Remy snickers from behind the register. Patton did have on lipstick. A very faint shade. Remy said the only way Declan would notice it is if he were staring at Patton’s lips. As always, Remy was on the head about it.  
“It’s my first time wearing it,” Patton grins. “Do you like it?”  
Declan licks his lips in a not-so-subtle way and nods vigorously.  
Patton leans in closer.  
“I think we have to get to your estate, Mr Davies,” He croons into Declan’s ear. He grabs his old suit from declan and winks at him before strutting to the carriage.  
Declan glares at Remy.  
“The hell did you say to him?”  
“Oh relax, you undead homosexual disaster. I just told him the truth. He handled it well. You, on the other hand, are not.” Remy nods with finality and grabs Declan’s shoulder.  
“Tell him how you feel. It can’t hurt.”  
Declan looks out at the black carriage. “But what if it can?”  
Remy looks away. “I know what happened before with Alexan-”  
“I’ll see you soon, Remy.” Declan says dryly, accepting the change and slinking out to the carriage.  
“The poor lovesick fools.” Remy mutters before getting back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments? questions? concerns? see any typos????? yell at me with your outdoor voices in the comments!!!!!


	7. the antithesis of dancing in the moonlight is running in the sunlight and that's just vampires getting places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more victorian gays   
and then also a new character makes an entrance (oooOOOOooOOooOO)  
listen i wrote a bit of this right after seeing la la land so don't come at me okay

\------  
The Davies Estate, later that night.  
\------

The dinner itself was delicious. The thing that made it unbearably boring was that nobody was permitted to talk. Patton eventually excused himself and began to roam the halls of the mansion alone.  
The vaulting ceilings and massive windows made everything feel cold and distant. The only thing that comforted Patton was the view of London from the garden.  
The lamps were slowly being lit and flames flickered in the windows of old brick houses. The winding cobbled streets that he knew were so far away. It was beautiful.  
“What a lovely night, huh?” Says Declan from behind Patton.  
Patton jumps. “Oh!” He adjusts his glasses. “Yes, yes I suppose it is.”  
“What a shame that this night is being enjoyed by us. There’s probably other people with chemistry who would adore how romantic this is.” Declan glances at Patton, who is offended.  
“No chemistry? How dare you?” He puts a mocking offended hand to his heart, which is racing. “I think I should be the one to decide that.”  
“So you think there’s chemistry?”  
Patton ignores him. “And though you look gorgeous in that cotton suit-” He steps closer.  
“It’s actually wool, thank you very much.” Declan slides his arm around Patton’s waist, drawing him even closer.  
“Whatever.”  
They start to move back inside, when Declan pulls Patton aside and presses him against a wall.  
“Declan, what are you-?”  
Patton is interrupted by a kiss. A short, sweet kiss. A kiss that tastes like lemons and sugar. Patton’s heart flutters, and he pulls away.  
Declan is red.  
“Oh my god, did you not want that? Are you actually straight? I am so so sorry-”  
Patton rolls his eyes and kisses Declan. That shuts him right up.  
“I pulled away to take off my glasses, Dekky. They’re gonna get foggy.” He takes off his gigantic spectacles and slides them into his pants pocket. “Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right.” He grabs Declan’s head and pulls him into a passionate kiss. He feels Declan’s cheeks flush.  
His annoying side giggles with glee.   
What a night to be alive.

\------  
Present Day, directly after Virgil woke up.  
\-----  
“I’m starving, Patton, what happened?” Virgil stumbles out of the bed, realizes he’s only in his underwear, and immediately makes a high pitched sound.  
“I swear, I’m not lying to you. What are you hungry for, Virgil?”  
Virgil shrugs, wrapping the comforter from Patton’s bed around his body. “I dunno. A sandwich? It’s this weird craving, I can’t quite place it.”  
Patton sighs in frustration. “You are incredibly hot right now, babe, but you are also incredibly stupid. You are now a vampire. You’re hungry for blood. Virgil, darling, please listen-”  
“Patton, I love the compliments, but there have got to be other reasons for me waking up very hungry and also absolutely shredded.” He looks down at his chest. “Right?”  
“Try eating some food from the fridge. Eat all of it. You're still gonna be hungry, Virge.”  
Virgil pauses for a moment. “Eh, maybe.” He turns and shuffles out to the small kitchen, grabs some leftover food and sits down at the table across from a young man with glasses and neat hair reading a newspaper.  
The man lowers the newspaper. “Eating cold pancakes right after a transformation isn’t healthy. Just in general. But it’s also a bad idea right after you’ve turned into a vampire.” He continues to read.  
“Listen, teach, I don’t need your advice. And there is no way that I’m a vampi-” Virgil pauses and looks up from his plate.  
The young man glances at him from over the newspaper. Virgil gawks. The man winks.  
Virgil screams and fall backward out of his chair, letting loose a string of curses on his way down.  
“Hey, are you okay? That was a big fall! I guess my performance really floored you, eh?” The man quips, fiddling with his pink necktie.  
Virgil scrambles across the floor in shock.   
“I would help you up, but I’m afraid I’m feeling es-specter-ly transparent today!” The man gets up and hovers over. Wait, hovers?  
Virgil does a double take.   
“Get it? It’s because I’m a ghost!”  
Virgil continues to stare.  
“No? Fine then. Patton is the only one who appreciates my puns here anyway, Virgil.”  
“How do you know my name? And how are you a ghost? That’s not possible! Is it?” Virgil pauses. “No, no. Ghosts don’t exist. Neither do vampires. This is just some… messed up prank show.”  
“Ah, I see. The reasoning stage.” The young man adjusts his tan cardigan and shakes his head. “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m real, and if I’m real, you’re probably real, kiddo.”  
Virgil looks up at the kind blue eyes smiling down at him.  
“So this isn’t just some weird dream?”  
“Yes, it’s the real life, no, it’s not fantasy.”  
Virgil can’t help but grin a little. He stands up and walks over to where Patton just entered the kitchen.  
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a roommate?”

**Author's Note:**

> leave comments and kudos please! they encourage me to write more! also if you see a typo yell at me please


End file.
